Taylor Lautner’s Boiling Hot Chest and other Conversations of Adolescence

My daughter is a December baby. But with the craziness of the December holiday season, we have made a tradition of pushing back the birthday party in recent years until January.

In comparison to last year’s Bat Mitzvah extravaganza party, this year’s birthday celebration was quite low-key: T-shirt decorating, Pizza & other munchies, cookie cake and – watching Eclipse.

I think I found my cure for the winter blues and the remedy is inviting over 11 girls aged 13 -14 and add pizza and Shirley Temples for extra joy. How can anyone be down amidst the constant chatter and giggling?  I was happy that my daughter let me be around her friends, who showered my daughter with hugs and presents accompanied by cards that were no shorter than novellas. The cards, written in every conceivable color of Sharpie, were filled with private jokes and all the ways my daughter is a good friend.  Those cards I know will be treasured just as much as the gifts.

Then, it was time for cake and movies.  This was a very important agenda with a limited timeframe. With all the girls refusing to leave until they saw every second of Eclipse, a vote needed to be taken as to when to eat cake.

Who wanted to eat cake now?

Who wanted to take a short intermission in the movie to eat cake?

Eating cake while watching Eclipse on the family room couch was not an option.

My daughter piped in: “Hey, how about: we watch the movie,and the first time Taylor Lautner takes his shirt off, we eat cake!”

Friends: “No, then we will want to watch the whole thing.”

So, cake came out, candles were lit, a wish was made. Within 10 minutes, the cookie cake was completely snarfed down. Then, all lights went out. It was time for Eclipse.

Again,  I was so glad my daughter let me watch this movie with her friends. The comments made were even more entertaining than the movie itself.

As overheard in the darkness:

“I can really learn how to kiss by watching this movie!”

“He’s sooooooo cute!”

“No. He’s sooooo cute!”

“Even as a wolf, he is cute!”

“The wolves look so fuzzy and cuddly!”

“Bella, you need to wind up with Edward, because then Jacob will be mine!”

And on and on and lots of giggles and screams to go right along with it.

Then, at some point of the movie (and I couldn’t hear a word of dialogue because of all the giggles and nonstop chatter), Bella and Edward are on a mountain. Bella is in a coat and wearing a hat. Then, Jacob shows up – shirtless – and a pair of shorts.

So, being the Jewish mother, I ask, “So why is Bella all bundled up and Jacob is walking around without his shirt for a change?” Because, I had fallen behind (no, I had become sick of) reading Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series and didn’t understand the complexities of man/wolf biology.

The replies were instantaneous:

“Because Jacob is a werewolf and his blood is warm!”

“His blood is hot, his blood is boiling hot!”

“His chest is so hot.”

“His chest is so hot you can bake cookies on it!”

“If someone baked cookies on Taylor Lautner’s chest, I would certainly eat them!”

Oh. Well, now it is all completely logical to me.

A woman I know from a playgroup from many years back asked me the other day if I missed the days when my kids were really little.

And I thought: No, I don’t miss the diaper bags, the diapers, the stroller shlepping. I do miss picking up little people and swinging them around, but teaching preschool cures my fix for that. No, I love the ages my kids are in right now and I wouldn’t change a thing.

So, girls, when are you coming over next?