I recently returned from a great vacation visiting the family and many close family friends in Florida.

Yes, it was nice to get away from the snow and cold for a bit. It was nice to feel the warm sun on my skin.

But I couldn’t help notice when I got back north, most everything in Florida feels fake. I’m using almost as the operative word, because we did take in some great wildlife in the Everglades, which faces one more challenge to its survival now that the government is in sequestration. More on that in a future post.

So there I was about to get on line at a Boca supermarket when a Boca Babe cuts in front of me, seemingly clueless of her offense. I stood in stunned silence.

She had to be at least in her mid 50’s but she was trying to pull off 22.

Her highlighted hair was pulled into a pony tail and bangs curtained her forehead.

She had a tuck. She had some nips. Clearly some collagen had been injected into her puffy lips.  I could not see her eyes, which were hiding behind a pair of huge sunglasses.

She casually and slowly talked to someone on her phone bedecked in a jeweled skin as she pilfered through a purse, which, if it wasn’t hot pink, could have been mistaken for a small long-haired lap dog.

Meanwile, an older gentleman, balding and shorter than I, spoke the thoughts that I dared not say.

“Unbelievable! She should get off the phone. I’d like to crack her over the head with it, don’t she realize other people behind her would like to get out of here?” He mumbled to me.

Then, he went ahead in a much louder voice to give her a piece of his mind.

“Hey lady, get off the phone and do your business, will you? You’re holding up the line!”

Boca Botox Babe had a quick retort: “Excuse me, but I am doing my business. Unlike you, I can do TWO things at once!”

“Ma’am, I’m sorry but you gave me the wrong change. I need five more dollars,” said the equally stunned cashier woman.

“Oh, you’ll have to forgive me, I just got back from Vegas.” And then to the man behind me:

“Hey, what are you from New York?? You sound like you’re from New York, so RUDE, like a boyfriend I had once.”

Hey. HEY, I thought as Boca Babe and Baldie fought over my head.  I’m from New York!!!

But my natural lips stayed silent.

After Botox Babe left, I don’t know why but I apologized to the cashier for her behavior. I told her I would never talk on my cell phone when someone was waiting on me packing my groceries because it was very rude.

And yes, I am from New York and proud of it.

I left the store back into the February Florida warmth just laughing at this state with its Botox babes and perfectly-manicured golf courses.

You just can’t make this stuff up.